your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
