I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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