Betty ford says i'm here all night
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
