Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
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