Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
