i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
