I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
