dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
