I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
