Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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