you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
