I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
