So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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