I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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