oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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