Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
sarcasm needs its own font
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
