I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
