my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
