i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
