Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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