i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
