you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
