I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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