she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
