Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
