Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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