You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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