I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
