I'm jealous of your bromance
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
