Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
