omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
