Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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