So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
