Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
