That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
