she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need water and some morals
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
