we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
