Whatcha textin bout Willis?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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