We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
