Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
