Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
