Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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