I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
