I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
