3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
