we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
