Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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