Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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