feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
