i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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