This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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