I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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