I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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