in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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