I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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