our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
