Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
