Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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