I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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