I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
