All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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