just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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