I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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