how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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