every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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