Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
