I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
