The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
