She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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